How I’ve Been Feeling


wow i feel like such a youtuber. lol

(trying to keep some humor here because the rest of this is kind of dramatic…which is different for me.) But I said I wanted to be more real on social media this year and make videos that really mean something. and this really means something to me.

so, you asked. here’s what’s been going on with me. raw, unfiltered, how I’ve been feeling.

I love you so much and just want to say, again, YOU ARE NEVER ALONE IN HOW YOU’RE FEELING. ever. please talk to someone and reach out, because the light at the end of the tunnel is always there. you just have to find it again sometimes ๐Ÿ™‚

thank you for always being the path to finding mine.

3,030,000 kisses,
Amber ๐Ÿ™‚


  1. Seeing you like this honestly just makes me love you more, I donโ€™t even have any words to describe how much you have changed MY life too, I wish I could just reach out and hug you, you can vent here whenever you want WHENEVER you are falling, we will be here to catch you ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

  2. I get sad all the time for no reason๐Ÿ˜ญ my life is pretty good for a 20 year old,
    Iโ€™ve got a job that pays reallyyyyy good, I have a boyfriend, a best friend, an almost paid for car…
    life is good ….. but like you said, all the feelings creep back up and itโ€™s hard for them not to affect you

  3. Amber maybe you're just feeling burnt out. And that's totally valid! Maybe you should start a nonprofit or charity about something that your passionate about. I think it's normal how youre feeling and just need maybe new goals or a new endeavor in your life! We are here for you girl!

  4. "sometimes nothing happens and you feel shitty anyway." GIRL I FELT THAT ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ take a break, take a trip, spend time with your favorite people, cheat on your diet, shut your phone off, do you, boo boo. ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’•โค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜

  5. We love you amber! Iโ€™m pretty sure nobody ever wants to see anybody go through some type of pain because after all like youโ€™ve said weโ€™re all human!!โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ love you sweetie!โค๏ธ

  6. I hope it gets better and I will always support you just like the rest of the People that now what kindness is and that now how it is to help other People I love you ๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ”ฅ stay strong girl๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’—

  7. I'm so sorry you're struggling, Amber. It's okay to feel that way and there doesn't need to be a reason for it. Take a break from YouTube/socials and focus on self-care and finding inspiration again. You'll be okay. <3

  8. This is raw and sadly beautiful. I just subscribed because I donโ€™t see this type of honesty on YouTube. I hope your mental wellbeing gets better every day. If not, allow yourself to feel all of your feelings.

  9. Mental illness doesn't need a reason, it just exists in your brain no matter if you're poor or rich, lonely or surrounded by lovely people…. It can be hard to allow yourself to step out of your normal routine to seek help and have rest, but it's absolutely what you should do! Take all the time you need, we support you no matter what. I'm struggling with depression too (even though there's absolutely nothing in my life right now that could possibly trigger it) and your videos help so much. Not only the happy-go-lucky shopping sprees, but ones like this too. We all fight this together

  10. I hope this helps " You can't protect your self from sadness without projecting your self from happiness." I love you so much Amber and take all the the time you need to feel better your a great person and my favorite youtuber. xoxoxo

  11. Amber thanks for being honest I once remembered something Janet Jackson said she said yes, All my bills are paid but I still feel pain. So hang in there and play some harp music it is supposed to cure depression

  12. I love it that you show us the other side!! Everyone have a bad time somedays. I am new on your channel but be yourself we will love you anyway!

  13. Started crying watching this because lately I've felt so alone and sad and like it's never going to get better, like I'm just going to always be sad for no reason, so what's the point in even trying? But this reminded me that it's normal and that I do get better after I feel like this. I just have to be patient with myself. I love you Amber. <3

  14. this is why i follow you, youโ€™re such a genuine person even online and iโ€™m sorry youโ€™re feeling this way. i hate seeing good people go through this feeling and i pray you get through it soon. youโ€™re such an angel love, youโ€™ll be okay ๐Ÿ’—

  15. You probably won't read this, but just in case because I'm much older than you and wise. Your prob is most likely hormones. When they shift our moods shift with them. That triggers brain chemical changes aka depression. YouTube should not be your main "career". It should be an add on. Do an action job that makes YOU expend energy. Short of that try St. John's Wort. Combine it with grapefruit seed extract and you only need a few drops for the same punch.

  16. Thank you for deciding to post this, because lately Iโ€™ve been feeling so lonely, sad and like a failure. Specially today Iโ€™m in a really dark place and the first video i see is this one. Makes me feel a little less like somethingโ€™s wrong with me. Thank for keeping it real. Xo

  17. It's so nice to see this side of you we love you and your videos seriously help me even if you are making stuff they always make me feel better when I'm feeling down hope you are doing well love you always


  19. This has been happening a little to me too. But since I KNOW that you are so beautiful and bright that soon you will be ok and feel better I will stick with you and you will to with me we will be better together. I know itโ€™s hard but you have your subscribers, a loving family, and many more that it is 100% clear that you will be better soon.

    One of your biggest fans
    P.S. I sent you that note with Benjamin in LA a while ago

  20. I hope you feel better gorgeous. You give so much life and light to others that you deserve some time to yourself. I hope that dealing with your anxiety gets lighter for you. Just know all is well and things will get better. You are simply having a moment because you are human and we all experience something. No judgement here . Get better.

  21. Depression and anxiety is complicated to live with. I've had them both my whole life. I couldn't tell which one is worse. The ups and downs are horrible. Then the crying out of no were for no reason. To much. Nobody should have to live like that. Yet here we are both having the same problems. From where i sit? Which was in the start of your Youtube days barely making it. Just getting by. You look like your doing pretty well to me. That must taken lots of hard work. Me i have second stage cancer . And this is not meant to be mean or a slap in the face. Next time you you feel that way? Think of all the thing you have accomplished and have done. I no this doesn't mean much because you don't know me, but I'm proud of you. For being so young to go through all that you and to make it this far all on you own. And for you just being you. Who wouldn't be proud of you? All i can say is keep that beautiful smile. Look to the heavens for better opportunities each day and remember how lucky and grateful you are. Love you chickie sending warm hugs.

  22. At first, I hope you will feel better soon. ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–
    And then I believe that we all have phases in which we feel powerless and sad. It is like an inner emptiness that we can not fill. Like in this Netflix series "insatiable".
    You have to learn again to find your inner center, to be in balance, to be happy. โœจโœจโœจโœจโœจโœจโœจโœจโœจ

  23. You are like that beautifull thing that always makes my day a lot beter. If i"m sad or mad or just not feeling good, your videos are a point were i can rest and being calm. Thank you โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ

  24. Only one thing is worse than being depressed for a reason, and that is having no reason to be depressed. Because there is no thing you can get over. There is no thing you can just fix, and therefore, there is no way to know how to get better.

    But I'd say. I've been depressed and stressed, and neither are fun. But keep your day busy and don't let the loneliness or hate get to you.

    Also, I think you may be stressed, because your every action is being judged. That's a very rough lifestyle, and only few people dare to live it. But you inspire us and you make our days better, so I really wish be could give you all that back. You change people's lives. Your energy and creativity helps me every time I feel depressed. Thank you Amber

  25. Soms heb je het nodig om de betere dagen te waarderen. Maar iedereen is een mens dus echt iedereen voelt zich weleens down.
    Vaak duurt het een dag, als het langer dan een week duurt zou ik naar de huisarts gaan.

  26. Amber you are superb and oh so sweet. Yes, you have made your own dreams come true. Only one thing you must find out and it is what is that void you still have the need to fill. I have been there and am still trying to find out what it is, but learn as you search sweetie. Many blessings your way. Luv you!

  27. Well, if anyone can give me some advice? I am planning on moving from my parents home to San Diego. I am afraid that I won't make it, but I really need to stay away from my dad for my own mental health. What should I do if it is so hard to live individually with no money and no help from your parents.

  28. Iโ€™ve felt like this for two years. I always watch your videos due to my poor mental state. Thanks for letting me know Iโ€™m not alone โค๏ธ.

  29. I have worked with social workers before about personal problems and they have said "not to keep all your problems bottled up inside of you because one day they will all explode out just like when you shake up a fizzy drink". Youtubers are usually scared to say they're feelings because they think they will get hate for it when really everyone just wants to hear if you're alright. I like hearing youtubers problems because then I know they aren't hiding everything from me and I somehow feel comfort. Also, it's fine to cry even if your makeup is bomb AF (which it is btw Amber) everyone does it so I advise you to cry and rant on about your problems to someone who really cares like your bff or siblings or parents or counceler. It has really helped me and I hope it has helped you too. ๐Ÿ™‚

  30. Aw amber I met you one time in Urth cafe and I remember your little card holder and I remember that you wearing a sweatsuit and Chanel sneakers. and you were so nice and sweet and I teamed up when I saw you idk why but you made my whole winter break ๐Ÿ™‚ also you inspired me to diy my whole cleopatra costume! Even the shoes!

  31. amber i hate to see you crying cuz you always make me laugh and happy when I'm crying. all what you said is 100 % right. and you should express all your feeling either sadness or love or happiness or even hatred, you are a human and a wonderful one โค๏ธโค๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธ u have the purest heart and i hope it stays happy ๐Ÿ˜Š ๐Ÿ˜

  32. I dont really comment in videos but when im feeling insecure about my self i just sit in ny vanity put one of your videos and you just give me motivation to be a bad bitchhh ๐Ÿฅบโค๏ธ and i feel like baddest bitch alive when i see ur videos cuz you uplift women and i just love that ๐Ÿฅบ

  33. It's the first time I comment on one of your videos, and that's because I appreciate you showing us more. Of course I love to watch your usual videos that really bring a ray of sunshine in my days, but it is SO important to see that you are human and this way we, your followers, can feel a lot closer to you <3

  34. Oh this made me sob, you are such an amazing human being! Everyone needs to hear this, and as I always say the brains a bonkers thing we just need to listen to it ๐Ÿ˜˜ sending lots of love!

  35. That the thing about mental illness, it doesnt care what your situation is, or how lucky you are, it takes you whatever situation your in. I'm so sorry its come back lovely xx

  36. Amber, ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’— probably your subconsciousness has sensed something that's why you don't know what's going on. guess you r too tired or stressed or simply feel bored of your life pattern. guess it will help if you go to school like FIT or Parsons. a tour or a short-term program can be helpful. doing something different from your routine will get your most attention to complete your task ahead. wish you the best. love you.

  37. it breaks my heart to see you hurting, but we are all here for you, and love you and things will get better. i cried for basically 5 years straight and now im living a life where iโ€™ve never been happier. โค๏ธ love you Angel momma! โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ

  38. I Wish I Cud Hug U Right Now..Its Ok 2 Cry Ur Only Human…U Are Beautiful And Have A Beautiful Soul…U Uplift Me Wen Im Down And Make Me Feel Gud About Myself..If It Wasnt For Ur Videos I Wud B Miserable All The Time So I Thank You For That..God Is There For U Trust And Believe๐Ÿค—

  39. I do really feel like this so many times, this is so helpful, you really made me feel like I'm not someone dramatic
    Thanks, you are one of the best YouTubers love you forever

  40. thank you for opening up. I have depression and its very comforting knowing someone I love to watch can relate with this feeling. You do not even know how impactful this is for me and other people. Again, thank you.

  41. Youโ€™re so fucking special. And I love you. Itโ€™s okay to not be okay. Youโ€™re not obligated to feel fine or okay. Youโ€™re allowed to be depressed when you have nothing to be upset about. Itโ€™s a literal chemical imbalance in you brain girl. If you need to seek help or guidance therapy is always an option. Even though you probably know that. ๐Ÿ’•

  42. When I say I love you
    I mean it

  43. โ™ฅ๏ธโค๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโค๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโค๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโค๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโค๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโค๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโค๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโค๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโค๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโค๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโค๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโค๏ธ

  44. Oh how it just got to me when you said "You don't get to feel like that". Your voice changed and it sounded so painfully real. Like that's the voice you would talk to yourself in…
    I really hope you feel better soon, Amber โค


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